Aspiration Vs Reality

I had great aspirations for this enforced time away from society, the thing is lockdown seems to have its own aspirations for me, and the reality I'm living isn't quite what I had planned...

University ended abruptly within 2 hours one tuesday evening I had gone from believing I had months of first year left to having a mere 12 hours left. I packed up my entire room in halls, had one last dominos with my gals and said goodbye to my friends, halls and freshers.

At first going home was exciting, my brother and I arrived home on my mums birthday amid the celebrations, the whole family was reunited, it was like a second Christmas. The fun lasted well into the first week, I unpacked and made my room a small haven, packed to the brim with all my possessions, books, guitar, endless clothes and makeup. My brothers and I rediscovered our love for the Wii, playing MarioKart non-stop, choosing to forget my younger brother was meant to be studying for A-Levels and my older brother and I, for degrees. It was a hazy bliss.

Flash forward 39 days and things aren't quite as I so naively expected.

• I was going to get fit, do a workout everyday, start running, eat healthy.

• I was going to sort out my skin, perfect that Insta-worthy skincare routine and emerge with glowing, blemish-free skin.

• I was going to ace online teaching, finish my courseworks early, revise hard for online exams and do extra reading on things I hadn't understood throughout the year.

The reality is, although I have done a workout nearly every other day, I don't have abs yet, I went on one run (it lasted 4 minutes, does it count??), and I have never eaten more chocolate.

My skin is dry and neglected, I wash my face about 3 times a week ( you are allowed to be grossed out, I am) and let's face it my hair is not being washed nearly enough, but that's a whole other story.

We might as well not talk about the uni work because I haven't done any, unless you count reading the news??

In essence, lockdown has left me feeling like a failure. I was going to become the most amazing, enviable super-human that had completely aced the isolation game. But here's the thing, no matter how much I wanted this to be the most productive time of my life, this is a pandemic, not a free holiday or spa retreat. It's a time of crisis, its captivity, it was never really going to be endless fun full of makeovers, studying and fitness. However I am well aware that doesn't stop us feeling like failures and that's kinda okay. So what do your lockdown aspirations (and realities) look like?

xoxo